Today’s post comes to you courtesy of my friend and fellow Author, Zathyn Priest.
The comments on each of these laws are Zathyn’s and I just adore his wit!
Zathyn Priest Writes:
Occasionally I stumble upon information and, as a conscientious citizen, I feel I should share it with others. Take a notepad and pen, jot these down, because let’s face, we’ve ALL felt the desire to break these laws at one time or another.
1) In California a city ordinance states that a $500 fine will be given to anyone who detonates a nuclear device within city limits.
I wonder, once you’ve set off your nuclear bomb, and henceforth blown California off the map, who do you pay your fine to?
2) In Colorado a dogcatcher must notify the dog, three days before they capture them, of their intentions.
Make sure you equip your dogs with a mobile phone, people.
3) In Florida, men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.
Yes, I know, it’s a bitch of a law. How many of us guys like wearing shoestring straps to a formal do? Especially those of us with beautiful shoulders!
4) In Florida it is illegal to fart in a public place after 6:00pm on a Thursday.
But any other day of the week it’s fine. Just be sure you squeeze it out by 5.59pm if you’re a bit gassy on Thursdays.
5) In Illinois it is forbidden to fish while sitting on a giraffe’s neck.
To all you Illinois folks who recently purchased a giraffe for this purpose, I apologise for breaking the bad news.
6) In Maryland it is illegal to throw a bale of hay out of a second story window in Annapolis.
What self-respecting hay bale thrower would be seen chucking their hay from a pitiful second floor height anyway?
7) In Michigan it is illegal to paint sparrows to sell them as parakeets.
Hmm, be very careful at the pet store. We all know how easy it is to mistake a sparrow covered in paint as a parakeet. Hell, I know I’ve done it!
8) In Pennsylvania if a motorist sees a horse coming down the road, the driver must pull off to the side of the road and cover the vehicle with canvas. If the horse is still scared the driver must get out of his car and take it apart until the horse isn’t scared any more.
Umm… wouldn’t it be simpler to place the canvas over the horse’s head and lead it passed the car?
9) In Rhode Island any marriage where either of the parties is an idiot or lunatic is null and void.
Finally a law I’m sure we all would agree with!
10) In Tennessee it is illegal to catch fish with a lasso.
Oh, for God sake, first we can’t use our giraffes and now we have to stop lassoing fish as well! When will this madness end?
11) In Tennessee it is illegal for a woman to drive a car unless there is a man running or walking in front of it waving a red flag to warn motorists and pedestrians.
I can see the logic in this law, after all… no, I’ll quit while I’m ahead and say ‘no comment’ :^P
12) In Dallas County it is illegal to own any realistic looking, phallic shaped, personal massager more than one foot in length.
Quick! Hide your 13 inch dildos!
13) In Washington it is illegal to deflower a virgin, even on their wedding day.
Yup, if you want to deflower your virgin, best you take him/her across the state lines or you ain’t ever gettin’ any sugar!
14) In Washington it is illegal to catch fish by throwing a rock at it.
I can’t use my giraffe, can’t use my lasso, how in God’s name am I gonna get my dinner if I can’t use my bag of rocks either?
15) In New York jumping off a building is punishable by death. This includes the Empire State Building.
I guess that’s if they actually survive the plunge from the Empire State Building in the first place.
16) In Pennsylvania all fire hydrants must be checked one hour before a fire.
By a psychic, I presume?
17) In Kansas it is illegal to hunt whales.
Okay, I’m an Aussie and not familiar with the entire US map, but I’m pretty sure there wouldn’t many whales in Kansas. Then again, perhaps that’s why you can’t hunt them. If they managed to get all the way there, it would be highly unfair to harpoon them after such a journey.
18) In Ohio it is illegal to get a fish drunk.
Oh for fuck sake! Now I can’t even get the buggers drunk to make fishing easier! I give up.